If I tell a stranger what I do, they will often ask me "how do you have time for all of that" and I often ask them the same. I often wonder how someone with 1 or 2 children can achieve success in their career and business parallell to each other and still have time, sanity, a clean home and a proper dinner on the table. Not to mention, time to read a book, do pilates or yoga et cetera.
Are some of us just superhumans with impeccable abilities to multitask? The books that I have read do not all agree with each other. Some will say that its impossible to juggle 2 or more tasks at the same time, and others will say that our mind is fully capable of doing this.
I used to see myself as someone who loves multitasking, with a capitol L, but after the birth of my son in 2017 I noticed that multitasking was rather frustrating and agitating than a fun and fast way to do things. I might have had a *tad* of personal growth with the responsibility of raising a human being.
The disastrous mistake of living as your old self
Exactly one year after my son was born and working myself to sleep depravation and unhappiness (translating and editing countless entire books and marketing material only a few weeks after the shock of becoming a mother), I ended up with a solid 30 kilo weight gain and deep bitterness combined with little to no progress in my business. I was running in a hamster wheel trying to live my life in the old liberated way that I had become accustomed to, not accepting the fact that it was now changed forever.
The amount of responsibility and the way life changes after having a child is something I think even the most prepared people can't prepare for. The #learnasyougo principle applies here.
The realization that life has have changed. Forever.
The tipping point came after a conversation with a close relative and this is what she said: "You made your decision. Your number one priority is now this child and you chose this. Everything else comes in second place. Come to peace with it and accept it."
This made me really think because there was a massive internal conflict between being my old-self and this new reality that I had refused to adapt. It took me a solid year to come to terms with the fact that my life had changed permanently and that this IS OKAY and NORMAL. I didn't have to pretend to be the super human being that I used to be before I became a parent.
There is balance to be found and below you will find some of the things I wish I knew before having a child.
5 point check-list to handle day-to-day life the first year with a newborn:
I will finish off with a little to grow-list which I hope can bring you some peace and calm in your everyday life as a business-parent:
- Take a deep breath and accept that your life has changed. Too often we focus on the negative, however accepting your new situation and taking some time to acknowledging the feelings that arise (both negative and positive) will cause less internal resistance to the entire situation. Release the stress of not being able to keep up the pace you had prior to baby.
- Since you are reading this exact post, I am sure that you have a business or projects that you are involved in. Map out the most important tasks that have to be done to create the most result. Look out for time wasters. Keep in mind the Pareto principle: 80/20.
- Meetings: Postpone or/and make them more efficient. Do not compromise your recovery journey. If you have meetings scheduled the first weeks that you just had your baby, do your best to either push these on to a convenient time when someone can help you to take care of your baby and limit the amount of meeting activity to ONLY priority 1 urgent meetings. Be strict about this point. For sure make your meetings digital and set a clear time frame for how long each meeting will last if its urgent. Then you can have some hours to grow your business and some hours dedicated to rest.
- Remember that not everything work wise is important. Even though it may seem so. If all the tasks you have to do are all equally important, its probably time to get a digital personal assistant or expand your team to take the pressure off of yourself. Allow yourself time to realize that you can not be the only one creating results if you want to scale your business. Find partners and seek help from people that you can have in your team.
- Acknowledge what your body has been through: From growing an entire human being to delivery to everything that comes after; all of your organs, bodily functions, hormones +++ have been permanently impacted. You are truly amazing, so treat your body with respect. The pressure today to look toned and workout + go for walks et cetera only days after delivery is something that does not belong in the history books (click the link for the most insightful book I have found on postpartum care). Postpartum care involves warmth, calmness, stillness, care, time to be present, warmth and restoring soups, broths and stews to help your body recover. How well you recover physically and emotionally will impact you for a very long time. So lesson number 5: Stack up on recipes, print them out and have someone help you cook or cook simple and nutritious meals that will make life easier for you. Caffeine, chocolate bars and fast foods are not ideal recovery foods. Nor is dieting or pressure from society that you have to workout and be active asap.
Bonus: Really, truly, take time off. Pushing yourself to the extreme is fun, but its like keeping up with the Joneses. However, the burnout will come at some point and it will wipe you and your ability to be present with your child and business. You can do MORE EFFICIENT work when you allow yourself to have days and certain time slots in the day to NOT think or do anything work related.
We all want to learn from each other:
Do you have a birth + business story you want to share? Please comment or write to me at: innovation.verina@outlook.com to be featured anonymously or with your name.
